Moscow, XXI Century
Nina sat with her legs tucked up, staring at the grey floor tiles in the corridor of the women’s clinic. A large lock of red hair had escaped her loose ponytail, falling over her face and shielding her from the glances of strangers. But she was not at all bothered by her slightly disheveled appearance; her mind was locked onto the tiny cracks running subtly across the expanse of the cold tile.
«You have so many cracks; tiny ones, small ones, barely noticeable at all… But this one here can be seen clearly, it’s quite large… There’s even dirt trapped inside it, I can see it,» she whispered softly. «I suppose when they mop the floor here, you realize that no one will specially come over and clean you out, just a quick wipe over the top with a rag, right? But you know what — no, I’m not trying to comfort you, just sharing a thought — we all have cracks… Some are large, some have dirt in them, even if it’s not obvious at first glance. And you know, when the dirt is fresh, it’s visible and can be wiped away, but sometimes it just sits there, bit by bit, until it sinks in forever… And believe me, it becomes invisible after that, and nobody cares anymore anyway…»
A sudden burst of cheerful laughter snapped Nina out of her thoughts. She slowly turned her head toward the adjacent office, where three pregnant young women sat, animatedly discussing something.
Nina closed her eyes. A treacherous lump formed in her throat again, tightening its grip, demanding she let her tears flow, or else breathing would become too difficult. She wept, dropping her head abruptly. Her gaze fell back onto the tile just as a tear landed… It slowly filled the dirty little crack she had just been whispering to, making it turn sharply dark.
«Yes, I agree, you can be seen perfectly now,» Nina nodded to the tile. «But it won’t be that simple with me, my dear. I don’t know where my cracks are, they are hidden. I don’t understand for what reason and why I can’t have children, when the doctors tell me I am absolutely healthy! How do I find my crack, and how do I clean the dirt out of it? It’s in there, I can feel it!» Nina cried out, and a sudden silence fell over all the women in the corridor.
Goosebumps raced down her spine… Nin
