When I am asked what I would like, I don't want anything at all at first. “No matter what it is, it won't make me happy”, I usually think at such moments. At the same time, I could never refuse a present even if I didn't like it at all. I couldn't say “I don't need it”, and even though I liked the thing I would feel horrible in the end as if I had recieved something stolen, some inexplainable fear followed me. To make a long story short, I wasn't able to solve this dilemma. In later life, this feature of my character seemed to be the most important reason for my shameful existence.
why do we always try and fit ourselves into the structure of convenience? we categorise and label ourselves in order to feel real, feel seen. as if trying to prove our own right for existence. we seek confidence in our minds by comparing everything to the bone to others. people tend to blend in, even when trying to stand out.
